Say No to Self Doubt

I grew up with a very strong mother who reinforced that we can do anything we put our minds to. My children have been raised with the adage “Give it a go. Even if you fail you are still a winner because you gave it your best shot”. However, a commitment to having a shot also means you need to be resilient enough to pick yourself up and in my experience, it is much easier to do this if you have a healthy self-esteem.

For many years people have been telling me that I am so confident. My response has always been the same “Not really, I am just a normal person. Sometimes I feel confident and sometimes I push it”. However, it is really cool that people perceive me as that! In 2018, I was asked to facilitate a Women in Leadership initiative where 100 women attended. Until then,  I still did not believe I was little Miss Confident.

During the forum, I heard so many women state that they find it hard not to start a sentence with “I am sorry”. The lovely bubble that I had lived my life in was smashed. I had no idea that so many women struggled with self-belief and self-doubt. In fact, just recently I had a long conversation with an amazing business woman who was having major self-doubt issues. If only she could see herself through my eyes!

This self-doubt can affect all areas of our lives and research on the recruitment process has reinforced this. Men are more likely to apply for any role that takes their interest, even if they only meet 60% of the selection criteria. Women are more selective and will only apply for the jobs that they think suit their skills and personality and fit 100% of the requirements.

So how can we change how we feel about ourselves? I would like to share a blog I recently read that will give you the foundation to work from -

Women and Self-Worth: 5 Steps to Improving Self-Esteem (Good therapy blog)

1. Know Yourself - Building self-esteem first involves knowing who you are: identifying what you like, knowing what you want out of life, and developing an awareness of how your past experiences have shaped the person you are today. It requires paying attention to how you treat yourself and developing an awareness of the internal messages you grapple with.

2. Care for Yourself - Developing healthy self-esteem also encompasses recognizing how powerful your internal voice is and learning to rewire your brain by developing more effective thinking patterns. It involves acting as your own cheerleader.

3. Respect Yourself - Respecting yourself is vital to maintaining healthy self-esteem. It involves assessing and upholding your values without sacrificing your well-being to please others. It’s about developing trust in yourself and learning skills to become more assertive.

4. Accept Yourself - Fostering healthy self-esteem involves acknowledging your limits and imperfections, accepting mistakes, and learning to more effectively deal with criticisms. It necessitates knowing your threshold for stress, developing self-compassion, and forgiving yourself for faults or missteps.

5. Love Yourself -- To truly demonstrate self-esteem, you must believe in your worth and care about your future. Loving yourself means treating yourself as well as you treat friends and loved ones. Doing this involves creating better boundaries in relationships. It also entails celebrating your strengths and learning to accept compliments.

I think it is important to highlight the challenges that sometimes women can place on themselves. Be loud and proud ladies – you are remarkable already but if you don’t believe that, then work on changing the perception you have of your abilities and what you contribute – it will positively impact every area of your life!